Friday, February 28, 2014

Special Needs Checklist Struggles

2/28 
I feel so blessed to be able to be a parent. I don’t want my daughter to ever feel like I was the one that rescued her. My boys rescued me. I wanted to be a mom for so long. I yearned for it, prayed for it. For many years I didn’t think it was possible for me to have children and it broke my heart. I felt so called to be a mother and am so thankful to my core every day for the opportunity and the responsibility of raising my children.
I hope that the adoption agency and my friends and family will look at me and see that I am worthy of having another child. I want more children desperately. I am not done. I love my boys to the moon and back and I want to be able to see more children grow up. I want to soothe more, tickle more, laugh more, teach more, hug more. I want to experience it all as much as God allows me to. Whether it be with three or four children (I haven’t allowed my heart or mind to go past that number ;-).
I cannot wait to hold you, my sweet girl. Whatever your special need might be. God, you know. She’s about to be conceived. About to enter into her mother’s womb, and we are waiting. Waiting to apply, waiting to work hard to bring her home. So I wait for answers as I research. Physical deformities, heart defects, cleft lip. So many hard choices. If the boys would have been born with any of them, we would have pushed through. I could not have loved them any less. Please give us wisdom and peace in this process and please help Joe and my mind to be in the same place.
Thank you for the chance to be a mother again. I am confident that you have called me to walk this road, and I pray that I would encourage others in whatever ways I can.

Thoughts on list: 
Something that the child has a very high chance of living a long, happy life. Brain functioning normal! Don’t think we could handle a little girl with a huge physical deformity, such as big facial burn. She will have emotional hurdles to jump over without that.
I was born with special needs and am excited to adopt a child with SN but nervous about which one we will get. So many unknowns. Fine with surgery as long as there is a high chance of success. Would rather avoid lifelong medications if possible. Have a hard time with the issues that says often times it’s seen with disorders of the kidney, heart, lungs, etc. Feels selfish to choose and weird. So many children are waiting. ;-( 

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