1/31
Its Chinese
New Year, the most important holiday on the Chinese calendar. I've been thinking
about you a lot, sweet Bella. Praying for who your parents might be. It’s a
possibility that you will be conceived soon. Your parents may be discussing you
right now, planning on having a baby, waiting for the right time. They don’t
know now that you will be born with medical conditions that they won't be able
to handle. Will they know during pregnancy or when you are born?
You are
wanted, sweet girl. Even know. I yearn for you. Yearn to start the process. I'm
ready to start the paperwork and the waiting. It's better than the waiting of
nothingness. The waiting without being able to do anything. Please guide us to
people who will encourage, strengthen, and help us to wait. Its hard to tell
people because the responses are so mixed. And because I am afraid of having to
wait so long. Afraid of what it may do to my resolve. But it’s been 15 years. I
think I can handle 11 months. I pray for the sale of the condo. I know that that
is a huge piece of this puzzle and until that is done we won't be able to start
even if we were old enough. Please let it go smoothly. Please help it to sell
for a lot. For her.
Should we
bring the boys? I want to, but it’s expensive. Guide us, direct us. May we be
your hands.
Please direct
us to the right organization and to the right special needs. Both are huge
decisions that will change everything. I need you, every day. Make me strong,
make me yours. I love you. So much. I want to be your vessel, pouring out love
to my 3 boys, to Bella one day, to my extended family, and to my friends.
Please give
me wisdom to know how to prepare the boys and us culturally. I want them to
love Chinese culture and to know a lot about it.
Once you are
here, please give me the words to speak to u about your birth parents and why
they let you go. We want u, we love you, we are waiting for you. Imagining what
life will be like with you every single day.
I need you
more than ever. Please help me to be your patient, strong, loving servant.
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