Family Trip to Yosemite

"Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world." John Muir 

The mountains are in the top five of my most favorite things, and Yosemite National Park has some of my favorite mountains. This week my family got the opportunity to spend five days camping there, and even though I was nervous to go because snow was in the forecast I am so thankful we went forward with it. It was such a wonderful time to go. There was no one there compared to the summer, and it was wet everywhere. The waterfalls were rushing, the creeks were overflowing, and the streets were flooded with life giving water. And it did snow. We arrived at 10 AM and as we were finishing setting up our camp, it started snowing, and continued to snow for the remainder of the first day. It was absolutely amazing. 

There is nothing like the beauty of Yosemite. It took my breath away every time I turned around. My hiked Vernal, Yosemite Falls, Mirror Lake, the meadows, and more. The boys biked into Curry every night for pizza. We climbed countless giant rocks. We biked everywhere, pulling the boys in a bike trailer. Max and Eli constantly had rocks and sticks in their hands: collecting, battling, admiring. If it weren't for sleeping on the cold hard ground, I wish I could have stayed for a month. 

One of my favorite things was that my phone died an hour after arriving, and there was no way to keep it charged. For five days we had no idea what time it was. We ate, slept, and journeyed when we wanted to and didn't worry about what time it was or what someone had posted on instagram. It made me feel wonderful, and I feel like I have culture shock coming back because I want to be back in that world, where everything is beautiful and still and wet. I was nervous that the boys would be too cold to want to do anything, but I was so proud of them. They loved it! The last evening when we were talking about it, they said, "Every part of the vacation was my favorite except getting dressed in the morning in the cold. The whole vacation was top level. I loved all of it." I have a deep love and appreciation for nature, and I wish that there was more of it here. 

"Thank you, Lord, for your beautiful gifts, for time with family, and a look at one of the most magical places you chose to create."

"The mountains are calling and I must go." John Muir 

Patience in parenting

Max has a hard time changing states when he becomes upset. I understand because it’s hard for me to quickly switch to happy when something upsets me or disappoints me or disturb me. Yesterday we were on a special adventure together while Eli was in school, and we were having a great time. I love Max so much. He and I are very similar. He is the best conversationalist, he has the best imagination, and he is fiercely loyal and kind to me, making sure in any given situation that I am not forgotten.

As part of the adventure, I let him pick out a treat from the vending machine. He brought his treat to the table and proceeded to pull it open. Max is also extremely independent. He doesn’t like me to help him with most things, and he was determined, as usual, to do it himself. He finally did and a few treats scattered on the table. I quickly picked them up, and then foolishly popped two of his brand new treats in my mouth. His face dropped; his eyes narrowed. Max is such a generous little guy when he decides to be. He will share with me faster than Eli ever will. But I didn’t ask, and I knew instantly that it was a mistake. He said, “You didn’t ask me.” I quickly apologized and explained that I wasn’t thinking, and look how many more he had, and I will trade the two I took for a few pieces of my snack.

Too late. He was in upset Max mode. He murmured that he wanted to go home. I tried to distract; I tried to change his state; I scooped him up and walked him around for a while. He kept grunting and murmuring to go home, go home, go home. I explained that I had promised daddy and Eli I would pick up things at Costco for them, but he could choose to leave our adventure since it was for him anyways. He grunted his disapproval, but he knew he wouldn’t win.

The whole time we were at Costco he wouldn’t talk to me. I kept telling him I loved him and would show him things, pretending that things were okay, hopeful as usual that something would draw him out. Finally, we reached home, and he rushed to his room, closed the door, and started to play by himself. I had a headache and had plenty to do around the house so I started putting the groceries away.

I checked on him about every five minutes, and he would grunt at me that he wanted to be alone. I would apologize and tell him I loved him. When the alarm to pick up Eli sounded, I explained that I was trying to be really kind to him, that I hadn’t meant to upset him, that I didn’t appreciate being treated like he was treating me, and that he couldn’t be alone anymore because we had to get Eli.

He came right away because he knows the drill, and right as he was getting in the car, he called out, “momma!” I turned around expecting another scowl. Instead, he had his little hand extended to me with the “I love you” sign. His face was upturned, expectant to how I would react to these turn of events. I smiled and said, “I love you Max. Thank you for saying that.” He jumped in the car and was such a fun, well-behaved, happy, energetic rascal the rest of the day.

The rest of the day I couldn’t get his little hand out of my mind. To me it was such a great picture of parenting. It is so difficult. Every single day I don’t know what to do in at least one situation. I am always trying to decide how to show compassion while teaching the boys what is right. I have seen the benefits of being kind. Being a kid is hard too. You have to go to Costco when you want to go home. You have to spend every day with brothers and sisters that you didn’t choose, and you have to share with them, every single day. I try to see my boys as people first who are trying to grow up in the middle of tired days and wonderful days and sick days. It is a long journey. And parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. They see how we love. They see how we react to them. And they will slowly do likewise. It feels like change takes a very long time, but it is there if you look closely. In the things they teach each other, in the things they remember from months ago, in the “I love you” signs they choose to show you in midst of frustration.

^4 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.⁸ Love never fails.” I Corinthians 13 

Food is essential to life. Therefore, make it good.

Happy Chinese New Year! We are blessed to live near Los Angeles and will be attending the huge dragon parade and festival this Saturday. I am soooo excited! ;-) 

So we kept Chinese New Year low key. I forgot to buy red envelopes so I hid coins in the backyard for the boys to hide, and then we made tambourines in honor of the year of the Monkey. 

My focus this year is becoming more proficient at cooking Chinese food since I believe it will help Bella's adjustment. Also, she is from South China where Cantonese food is predominant, at least that's what it said online, so I choose a lot of recipes that she will hopefully enjoy. ;-) 

I am committed to cooking Chinese food from recipes all month long! It has been a huge success so far and so much fun. I took pictures of the recipes if you wanted to try any of them. The pan bread, the broccoli beef, and the egg drop soup were some of our favorites so far. We also made a trip to 99 Ranch Market and picked up all our favorites treats.

HaoChi!! Which means delicious. ;-) 

1. Cantonese Chicken and Mushrooms 

 2. Cantonese Fried Rice 

3. Chinese Pan Bread 

4. Spinach and Garlic 

5. Spring Onion and Ginger Noodles *I added bok choy and mushrooms and onions to this 

 6. Egg Drop Soup 

 7. Beef and Broccoli 

Shopping at 99 Ranch Market with my shopping partner, Max 

 He though Durian looked more like a weapon. 

Only 2$! I will take it!  

 

We bought an assortment! 

 Treats for the new year! 

My Musings

I have been reading a lot of articles about adoption lately. Obviously. One of them said that adoptees can have a preoccupation at different points in their life with the events surrounding their life prior to being placed in your home. I didn’t give it much thought until Bella’s medical report said she was abandoned at two months outside of a hospital. And I can’t stop thinking about her birth family. What were the events that brought them there? I have quite the imagination and have devised quite the list of various possibilities. All of them are heartbreaking. And none of them make me feel any better. So I can understand what the articles are talking about. The question of her birth and later abandonment are so completely open-ended that it is hard to gain the closure our human brains long for. I don’t think that part of her story will ever have an answer, but I will continue to pray for her birth family. And hopefully when we are in China we will find out more so we can share as much as we know with her when she is ready.

This week we were able to put together the photo album we get to send to Bella’s foster family in China. I couldn’t stop thinking about her sweet little face opening the book with a puzzled expression. How could these people who look absolutely nothing like me one day very soon become my parents? Will she understand what adoption is? Will she know other children who have been adopted? I know if I were almost two it would be so completely overwhelming. I always think of my boys and how completely attached they were to us at that age. To rip her from her foster parents will be so hard for her. So very hard and confusing. But I pray that she does have a strong and special relationship with them because even though it will feel more difficult in those first few long months, it will, at least I have read, allow for the creation of stronger attachment bonds with us, her forever family.

Also, I have been struggling with being in my head too much lately. How will all the things we are planning for this year pan out? I kept praying to stop dwelling on the negative things that could happen and was reminded randomly of my college years when I was young and optimistic and confident I would change the world. 
Those blissful years reminded me to step back, take a deep breath, and repeat to my internal self at this point in my journey, "I will NOT be afraid." This sentence has been my companion the past two days.
I also have been listening to more awesome music lately and have been outside a whole lot. 9 1/2 hours today.  Two of my most favorite things! And Bella’s report says her favorite activity is playing outside, and she is from one of the greenest cities in China because of all the parks. How perfect is that! ;-) 

We have a match!

Thanks for all who have prayed for us in this journey of adoption! It is definitely not over yet, but we passed another hurdle!
We were matched a few days ago with a beautiful, precious angel from South China. She is 19 months old today and is living in foster care. We really don't know much about her except her medical stats, but we are beyond thrilled to travel to China in a few short months to bring her home!!
Continue to pray for us that the paperwork process we still have to complete will go as quickly as possible, that her file would be officially released soon, and that we would be prepared for her arrival and ready to welcome her with open arms and hearts.
Hugs!!

We are getting ready to build her bed!! She is sleeping in the same bed I slept in as a child. ;-)

 I am not hanging the dress on the wall. Just thought it was precious for when we surprised the family today. .;-) 

Thankful

It's been a hard year. I can't lie. I am excited that 2015 is behind us, and we are marching forward towards 2016! When I think about 2015, the words struggle and striving comes to mind. However, I am starting this beautiful January 1st morning putting together our family's 2015 memory book, and I have tears in my eyes as I remember all the wonderful, beautiful, precious things have happened this year. Thank you so much for all the friends and family who have been there this year for me. Even though I definitely isolated myself at times this year because I was tired of talking things over or didn't know what to say, I am thankful for all the times I was able to connect with other people, be it in person, through a friendly text, or a picture on Facebook. I will strive in 2016 to be more available, more willing to be vulnerable, more present, and more forgiving of myself. God is faithful. He is faithful to provide what we need and to not give us more than we can handle. Let me know how I can pray for you or be there for you. I am thankful for you. Let's make this the best year yet! ;-)