Why

Why are you adopting?

If you knew your little girl was on the other side of the world, wouldn’t you go get her?

Yet I mourn. I mourn the time I will lose with my baby girl. I will miss her first smile, when she starts to sit up, her first word. I will miss so much.

 It’s like if the doctors handed me Eli at the hospital and said, “You can keep him but only if you agree to work for 12 hours a day until he turns one.” What a letdown. I would shed tears. I would be frustrated. I would mourn the time lost with him. I would want to be there for every milestone, for every moment.

 It is the same with you, sweet baby girl. I am mourning, right now, the time that I will miss. There is no way to get that time back, and I have already shed tears because of this.

But you are mine, and I am yours. And the same way as the story of Eli went, the only way I get to hold you in my arms for the rest of your life is if I give up your first year. Obviously, it is more than worth it. I cannot wait to see you. To breath in your sweet smell. To study your sweet face. To hear your sweet voice. Wo ai ni. Forever and ever. I love you. Help me to make up for that time by being the best mom that I can for you, my darling. For my Bella, my beautiful, unique, strong, lovely Bella.

I am holding my breath until I see your face. I am holding my breath until I get to hold you to my heart… safe, close, where you belong. I miss you.

May the time pass quickly.