Perspective

Today we went on a nice Earth Day hike. 

For an hour and fifteen minutes, I enjoyed myself immensely. Then the sun came out, streaming through the clouds. A man walked by as he eyed my two adorable boys frolicking around and said, "When it's hot up here, we sometimes see rattlesnakes. Watch out!" It was no longer a relaxing walk. My eyes were scanning, and I was on the alert. The rattlesnakes weren't going to get us! The walk hadn't change, but my perspective had. To the outside world the hike was the same, but to my brain it was ten times better before the other person had crossed our paths even though obviously it was good I was aware. 

Such is life. 

 I was born with a congenital heart defect, and when I was seven, I had open heart surgery. That same year both my grandparents died. I remember being impacted with my own mortality and the mortality of others. I was going to die, and it may not be when I am old and ready. It might be tomorrow or the next day. I remember beginning to live like today mattered. My new catch phrase became, "Carpe Diem." Make today matter because it does. Every day matters and is worth treasuring and trying your very best for. I couldn't waste my time on anything that didn't matter. 

I take a lot of pictures. Capturing moments. Moments in time that I never want to forget.

I know it sounds morbid, but I live with the thought that if, God forbid, anyone in my family was ever taken from this Earth before I am ready, I could at the very least say that I made the most of every single day that I was given with them. This change in perspective makes my life as a perpetual laundry washer, bottom wiper, dinner cooker seem more important. I matter to my family, and I want every day that they have to matter. Whether we are painting, playing, or exploring, I want to make the most of the time that I’ve been given.

And when I look deep into the eyes of any of the three boys that God has given to me and think about losing them, it makes anything that I am going through with them that may frustrate me in the short term seem like a candle in the wind. Nothing, zilch, not important.