May I have the strength to say, it is well with my soul.

I believe that happiness does not come from anything that we do or have it comes from spending ourselves for others, trying our best, laying down ourselves and knowing that at the end of the day you've given it your all. 

So we finally applied to adopt our little girl from China this weekend! We finally made it. 17 years after God placed the idea in my heart, I made my first real step forward. I was expecting to be more elated than I am. As I tried to explain to Joe, and he made fun of me since he actually has run a marathon, applying to adopt feels like the first step of a 26 mile race. I am nervous about the next 12-24 months of the process, hoping that there are no snags and knowing at the end of the day there are no guarantees. We were signing the agreement yesterday, and it spelled out one of my biggest fears, which is there is a good chance that the special needs of our little girl will be bigger and more complicated than the reports state. My stomach flips; my heart panics. Can I handle this journey? Can I make it? It's a long, winding, lonely road. I pray that I have the strength to say, my life is yours, Lord.

Please hold me through this journey. Please help me to be brave. I struggle so much with fear. That and being too hard on myself are probably my two biggest weaknesses. There are so many things out there to fear, especially once you become a mom. I want to be fearless. I want to walk forward in the knowledge that God is big enough to handle all my concerns and is in control. Please help me to be the person that you want me to be. Please help this adoption journey continue to refine my character because I want to be more like you.