I have been thinking and pondering and praying over marriage the last two months. Joe and I have almost reached eight years as a married team. ;-) I feel that the last four years or so our marriage has strengthened and as I think about it, these are a few of the things that I have learned. 

1. Give 100% whenever you have the strength.

 “Can you meet me hallway, right on the borderline

That’s where I’m gonna wait, for you.”

Black Eyed Peas

That's what our culture tends to say. Give just enough. That's how I felt when I first got married, and our marriage suffered. "I will cook if you do the dishes." "I will go with you to your boring work party if you will go with me to mine." "If I do something for you, what will you do for me??"

This is the wrong way to look at marriage. Give 100% whenever you are able. Granted there will be times when you are sick, emotionally exhausted, stressed, and such when you cannot give your all no matter how much you want to. However, whenever you have the strength give all that you can to your husband. "What can I do for you today?" "How can I help you?" Service and love and sacrifice naturally creates an attitude and posture of service for your relationship. Asking what you can get out of the relationship on any given day is the wrong question. If you give all you can, your husband will see that, and on those few days when you cannot do your best, he will see that and be more than willing to help you in return. Just make sure to ask. Husband's, as Joe told me often our first few years, cannot read our minds. ;-) 

2. Going hand in hand with serving our spouse is knowing how to do this most effectively. I highly recommend reading the book about the five love languages. Find out what your spouse's love languages are and have a conversation with him about yours as well. Fill his love jar the way he needs it to be filled. My love languages are physical touch and quality time, and I naturally will run into Joe's arms to give him a hug whenever he is feeling a little down. However, that is not what he needs though hugs are always great ;-) . His love languages are words of encouragement and acts of service. His entire disposition lights up when I praise him. It gives him the strength to do his best. 

3. I believe that feeling happy has a lot to do with our expectations vs. our reality. I often have the least happy days on special occasions like Valentines Day or my birthday because I have high expectations for how I want the day to play out exactly. So this is my advice for those of us with young children. Try not to have unrealistic expectations of your husband. My husband wakes up early and works hard for us all day long. I try not to expect him to do anything when he gets home other than be with us and talk with us. When my heart is in the right place with this, I am so much happier. If I need an adventure or need to get things done, I try my best to do those things before he gets home so that when he does, we can focus on just being together. We are not in the same stage of life that we once were. Kids are unpredictable and extremely time consuming. I know without a doubt that my husband loves me, and that is enough.

Love you, sweetie!!

 Pajama Day!!

Max looking up at the sunset. "Mommy, that's God's coloring. Our coloring is inside but his is outside. I think his coloring is more beautiful. Don't u?"