Beautiful Life : December 2015

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Quick Adoption Update for my Prayer Warriors

We received word that we are THE next family on the list to receive a referral from China. Please pray for our little girl that God would bring the right one for our family at the right time. Please pray for us that we would have wisdom in whether or not we should accept referrals that we receive.
Thank you so much!!
Blessings to you on this beautiful day to start fresh! New Year's Eve!
Hugs! ;-)

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Grace Wins

I have always tried to be the best version of myself. My theme in high school was Carpe Diem, Seize the Day. I wanted everyone to like me. I got perfect grades. I always tried to obey my parents. I have always tried diligently to follow God and hear from him.

Having kids is a whole new experience for someone who has always been very hard on herself. I have poured my heart and energy and time and love into my two kids, but more times than not they forget the instructions I give them in the car. They don't always share. Max is terrified of talking to adults most of the time. He also really struggles with controlling his emotions and is the most stubborn kid on the planet.

I do not have a problem seeing the good in my kids. I would give my life for them. I love them so much and see their potential and their hearts for others and for our family and for God at such a young age. I see all the good they do every single day. But often with Max, right now especially, others don't. He is an introvert who is only himself with a few select people. It is so hard for me to be gracious with myself when he misbehaves or isn't social. I want him to be the best version of himself. I want him to show everyone the wonderful kid he is. And I beat myself up about all the reasons I can't or don't make that happen.

I have been praying for him fervently this year. But this morning, I was seeking God in prayer and through reading his Word, and I was praying for myself. Help me please to forgive myself for not being the parent I thought I would be. I cannot make Max be perfect. I am always worried about how his behavior is going to affect other people or make their life more difficult. And God spoke to me so clearly yesterday morning through this song. There is a war between guilt and grace, And I struggle every single day with guilt over why my kids won't behave. Over why I am sad about something or can't keep my house clean. I am so consistently hard on myself. I want to be the best I can be, which has merit, but God showed me this morning a picture that I had forgotten about how he sees me. He doesn't see all the ways I have failed. He sees me as his child. I am not a failure.

I kept repeating the words of this song to myself all day long yesterday, and it was like a balm to a soul who longs so desperately to be good at something, to be recognized for how I pour my life out for my family.

Everyone struggles with something. Being too hard on myself and mentally beating myself up for how I could have done something better is one of the things I struggle with. My prayer is that I can see myself with God's eyes. He wants me to be more like Jesus, but he also loves me and wants me to be more gentle with myself.

Monday, December 7, 2015

Colorado in the Snow

"White as snow white as snow
Though my sins were as scarlet
Lord I know Lord I know
That I'm clean and forgiven


Through the power of your blood,
Through the wonder of your love,
Through faith in you 
I know that I can be

White as snow"

We journeyed to Colorado for the second time this year for eleven days, driving through the night in both directions. It was the boys' first experience in real snow! It was falling, it was on the ground, it was on our car. It was so amazingly beautiful. I will never forget staring out our fifth story hotel and watching the snow gently fall and twist and float from the sky. It made even the trash cans look beautiful. Eli loved every minute of it. Max loved it as long as the sun was out since he was not a fan of his snow clothes. For four days in a row the high was 19 degrees! We had quite a big storm while we were there. On this trip we spent our time in Colorado Springs, Lakewood, Morrison, Littleton, and Centennial. Pictures speak better than I ever could. ;-)